I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
