Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
