Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
