Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
