I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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