I feel like abortions should bother me more
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
