Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
