I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
