The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
