hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
