My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
