I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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