Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
