Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
