Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
