I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
