i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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