i think i have two assholes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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