either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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