We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
