I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
