how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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