I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
