i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
