Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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