I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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