this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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