dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
