All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
