Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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