Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(424): View more from California

I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick

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(424): I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick http://tfl.nu/5e2h

Replies (1) Good night (968) Bad night (1212)
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(618): View more from Illinois

here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...

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(618): here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco... http://tfl.nu/ll6l

Replies (37) Good night (3770) Bad night (1047)
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(224): View more from Illinois

My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.

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(224): My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it. http://tfl.nu/fqyk

Replies (18) Good night (965) Bad night (2794)
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(607): View more from New York

We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.

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(607): We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre. http://tfl.nu/5g13

Replies (10) Good night (3020) Bad night (1095)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet

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(763): Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet http://tfl.nu/ppas

Replies (6) Good night (992) Bad night (2391)
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(716): View more from New York

It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.

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(716): It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point. http://tfl.nu/9jn6

Replies (17) Good night (1428) Bad night (2950)
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(951): View more from California

I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.

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(951): I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's. http://tfl.nu/x6q1

Replies (18) Good night (3241) Bad night (1127)
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(914): View more from New York

He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.

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(914): He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game. http://tfl.nu/uv06

Replies (2) Good night (1507) Bad night (658)
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(417): View more from Missouri

woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.

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(417): woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before. http://tfl.nu/td38

Replies (4) Good night (1553) Bad night (574)
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(619): View more from California

Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game

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(619): Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game http://tfl.nu/kw14

Replies (2) Good night (807) Bad night (406)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities

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(419): Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities http://tfl.nu/xynh

Replies (9) Good night (541) Bad night (1841)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.

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(302): Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE. http://tfl.nu/pskj

Replies (6) Good night (499) Bad night (1374)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.

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(978): i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken. http://tfl.nu/6c3c

Replies (1) Good night (830) Bad night (291)
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(214): View more from Texas

I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.

(469): View more from Texas

I have the flu.

(214): View more from Texas

I don't give a shit

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(214): I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now. (469): I have the flu. (214): I don't give a shit http://tfl.nu/yb1n

Replies (12) Good night (1346) Bad night (427)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again

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(502): Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again http://tfl.nu/w7l0

Replies (3) Good night (293) Bad night (719)

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