I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Farmville is her only friend.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
