I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
