how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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