in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
this hospital has no fireball
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
