Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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