At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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