someone owes me an orgasm
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
