The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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