i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
