Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
