But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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