I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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