she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
