i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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