I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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