i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
