and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
