Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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