Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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