I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
