New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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