No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
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There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
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My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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