I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
its not stalking. its research.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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