its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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