He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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