I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
