Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize