My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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