So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
