how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We have started to decorate penises.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
