I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
