You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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