What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
