Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
a search helicopter?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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