we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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