So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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