I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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