You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i came on her dog
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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