he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
