i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
