YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
