i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
