i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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