I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
