I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
