Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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