Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
