i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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