I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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