i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you inspire me to be a worse person
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was