I just threw up on my dentist
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
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You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.